Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Downer days!

Don't you just hate the days when the world seems to be totally against you?

Today I feel I can't get anything right. My bloods have been up in the teens for some reason. I've had stomach pains all day. The bank are charging me over £100 for charges of over £175 from last month. I am constantly overdrawn. Life is well and truly getting on top of me and I don't know what to do!!

I want to get a job, earn my own money, save for me wedding, move out of my mum's house, start a family etc etc but it feels like none of this will ever happen. I have been look for a job since I left school at 16 (almost 5 years ago now). I have only ever had 3 summer jobs. I feel like my diabetes and the one hand thing get in my way which make me soooo depressed. I want someone to give me a chance!! I want to prove to people I am capable of doing things even though it looks like I won't be able to. I am so determined but get no where I am starting to wonder why bother.
I just want the basic life, nothing fancy, just the basics... Is that too much to ask?????

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

New Start

Tomorrow will be a fresh start for me.

Im going jogging in the evenings with Alan, eating less, and doing other exercise too. My levels have been on the high side the past few days as my routine has gone completely out the window with my Gran's funeral being yesterday.
The service was beautiful and so were the flowers and my family. I love them all to pieces. We are always there for each other no matter what and I know this made my Gran proud as it will still do. I also know she was proud of me for sorting out my diabetes so my fresh start is as much for her as it is for me.

I'm still waiting for my new appointment from the Cedar Centre in Guildford after the cock up the made the other week. I just want to get in there be seen, have my HbA1c done and all my other tests so I know where I am starting from. I have never been one for not knowing.
Sorry for such a short blog but I haven't got much to blog about at the moment what with Gran's funeral etc.

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Long Night Last Night

Where to start?
My levels were up at 19mmol/L last night! I had chicken goujons and chips. It was a small portion. I carb counted as normal. This was at 8pm, 2 hours after I had eaten. I was still up at 3am when it was at 16mmol/L =( I am exhausted!

Totally felt like giving up!

It fluctuated from 19mmol/L to 14mmol/L and back up again till 4am when it finally came down to 11mmol/L so I went to sleep. Woke up to 6.9mmol/L at 2pm!!! I feel absolutely awful today. No energy, depressed, angry. None of these make for a Loubie who is good to be around.
I really don't need the stress of crazy blood sugar levels on top of everything else.
What with my nan's funeral, tyre, supposedly owing money to people I know I dont but still worrying about it, being overdrawn at the bank thanks to charges I'm getting charges on. My head is going to explode any day soon.

I'm fed up of thinking I'm doing things right & getting on top of things and then things like this happens and completely knocks me flat on my back! I really thought I was doing well until this, I know it might just be a slip up but because my appointment at the new clinic was a complete balls up I have noone to talk to about it and its really starting to get me down!

My levels have been pretty stable all day today so I have no idea what caused them to go so high last night. been around the 9mmol/L mark which is still higher than I want it to be but at least its not above 10.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Busy couple of days

I've hadn't had much of a chance to blog the past few days. Life has sort of got in the way.

I was due to have my first appointment at my new diabetic clinic on Tuesday .*FAIL*. I got up at 7:30, which is a very early start for me these days, as my appointment was at 9am. We had to go up the A3 doing 50 mph thanks to the emergency tyre we had to put on as the other tyre was completely bald. Get to the hospital feeling really quite positive as I had my list of questions at the ready and no, according to them my appointment was last Tuesday!! My letter clearly stated 23rd March. I remember this for 3 reasons, 1) Its 2 days after my mum's birthday. 2) Its my friend's birthday that day and 3) Its two days before my nan's birthday. Unless my head is totally screwed up I COULD NOT get this wrong. I argue my point while the receptionist starts getting shirty. Apparently they have already sent me out my new appointment, which I am yet to receive. When it finally arrives I will be calling up to check as the parking/petrol and time off work for the OH all adds up!!
My bloods have been all over the place, mainly on the higher side. I think it could be due to stress with everything thats happened recently.My Gran's funeral is on Monday so I'm hoping once that is over and "normality" resumes they will settle down.
In the mean time I have a dilema... Do I want a pump or not?? What are the pro's & con's??

I will be so glad when the next couple of weeks are over!!!

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Looking ahead

After the distress of yesterday today I am looking to the future. Tonight there is a big party to celebrate St Paddy's Day. I going and so is lil sis and the rest of my family down here. We are going to celebrate in style St Paddys & my grans life! She was an amazing woman and always knew how to through a party so tonight is for her!!!
Going back round my cousins today so we are all together. My family is amazing and mean the absolute world to me.
I will be drinking tonight but will be keeping an eye on my sugar levels. I hope everyone has a god day.

I love my family, we are always there for each other no matter what and always will be.

*Heres to the future, gran you will always be in our thoughts*

Friday, 19 March 2010

Worst day so far.

Today has been crap!
After just half an hours sleep I get a call I was not expecting saying my Gran had died =( 
She'd been in hospital for a few days so I suppose it shouldn't have been as such a shock as it was. I guess you just always think of your grandparents as indestructible. I have found out she died of pneumonia. She had this about a month a go and they thought they had cleared it all up. The worst thing she wasn't even in hospital for that she was in for a blood infection. Its my grandad I feel sorry for. This year would have been their 60th wedding anniversary. And I know this is going to sound so selfish but I never thought my Gran wouldn't be at my wedding. As mentioned on my post yesterday my Mum & Sister had gone to Southend to see her. They were lucky they went when they did. This leaves me and my little sister in a sort of limbo, kind of unable to process it as we aren't amongst all the stress and worry and emotions in Southend and not really being able to let it sink in.
As soon as we heard our first thoughts were to our granddad and then to the other family we have down here in Surrey. My cousin's who only live 5 minutes down the road, whoes dad is my mums brother. To our family over in Ireland who have to organize flights and childcare. And to how everyone is going to cope with our lose. My gran Joan was like a "mafia figure". Her or my granddad walked into a room and you immediately cleared a space for them to sit down, granted they are in their 80's. 
My first move apart from tell my sister and get dressed was to call my other cousins too see what the plan was. We ended up going to Tesco and spending £20.58 on Bacon, Bread, Sausages, Milk, Eggs, Pringles, Galaxy Chocolate and a variety pack of cereal ( only the essentials) and then onto my cousins house where me & my cousin Clare cooked everyone a friend breakfast and sat on the sofa all day watching movies, mucking about and generally having as good a time as we could given the circumstances.
I have had a total of 1 hours sleep in 33hours at this point and how I am still functioning I am not quite sure. Even in the state I am now I am still concentrating on my sugar levels. Probably not a priority but its keeping me from loosing it.
 I can't wait to go to bed & wake up tomorrow starting a different day. With the help & support of my friends and family I know I can get through this as can the rest of my family but its going to be tough.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Here goes nothing...

Today is my first day blogging so here goes nothing.

Feeling "bleugh" after having a hypo last night. Hypo's I can deal with but not ones that drop 2.0 mmol/L's in 15 minutes, with a hubby to be who take 20 minutes to wake up enough to help!! 
Last night I jammed him in the ribs which worked surprisingly well and was munching on a bit of bread and sipping on a lucazade within 5mins(ish). Feeling totally exhausted I fell asleep soon after and never tested to see how high I had then become. But I did wake up this morning to a level of 6.4 mmol/L so not too bad.
Today my mum & twin sister have gone to Southend On Sea to see my grandparents as my Nan was rushed into hospital the other day with a gallbladder infection, she'd only been out of hospital about 2/3 weeks from having a bad chest infection.
This leaves me to do all the cooking, which I don't mind as I can weigh everything out properly. I'm not saying my mum doesn't but I have gone down for dinner and the plates on the table waiting, which lets face it, makes it harder to weigh therefore harder to carb count.
Going to leave it here as I have to go sort out something for lunch for me & the "little" sister. Thanks for reading my first blog =).

Grrrrr just updating this blog. My sisters levels are now at 30mmol/L thanks to the dumbwits in McDonalds giving her a full sugar drink!!!!!!!! Good Going Numbskulls!!