Friendship.Friendship, Just the perfect blendship

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

I love this quote. For me it summarises all my ideas and feelings about friendships. Every friendship takes a lot of work. Compromises, arguments, laughter, anger, joy, disappointment, these are all things that I have felt with the many friendships I have gained over the years. There aren't better feelings than when you are with an old friend who totally understand everything about you or when you gain a new friend. Yet there is nothing worse than when a friendship ends or you have an argument. 

When you are at the lowest of lows, and your best friend calls or texts or pops round, they always seem to know how to bring you back. They almost have a sixth sense, that something is wrong or you need cheering up or distracting. 

At school I wasn't one of the "cool kids" at school but nor was I a geek, I was one who would just sit quietly and try not to get involved if I didn't have to. I had a great friend at school called Emily. We had our falling outs, argument and periods of time where we didn't talk but it was all part of growing up. Most weekends we would be at each other houses, causing mayhem, baking cakes (with completely the wrong flour on many occasions). She moved to a different school in year 9 (I think) and I was gutted, but we stayed friends, still met up most weekends and I even went to her school prom. We really were as thick as thieves. We then went onto college and grew up, got boyfriends and slowly drifted apart. It isn't a bad thing & yeah I will always miss the mayhem we caused, the giggles we had and the random things we got up too but that is life for you. We have recently got back in contact and I'm pleased about it. We didn't have an argument, so there are no mean feelings etc, it just is what it is.

I am going to be god mother to my best friend Laura's little girl on Sunday and its the biggest, proudest thing I have ever done. Knowing she trusts me and cares for me and wants to me to be part of her and her daughters life fills me with such happiness. I was there at her daughter's birth. Again, so touched that she chose ME to be part of this amazing moment in her life fills me with such pride. After doing childcare together at college me and Laura knew we would be friends for life. Two years spent studying the same thing 5 days a week, 6 hours a day most days has to mean something. Skipping lessons together and yes, using my diabetes as an excuse as much as I am ashamed to admit it (its the only good part of diabetes as a teenager). Going to the music block during break or walking into town to go shopping at lunch. I hope my friendship with Laura never ends and she will always be part of my life and me hers and her daughters. Laura is like a sister to me, she is more than a friend. 

 A friend is someone you can trust whole heartily, someone you can spend time with, someone who you can tell anything to, someone you can talk to day or night. Someone who makes you laugh till you sides hurt! Someone you want to make memories with and take photos with. A good friend is someone who you don't want to live without.

"When other friendships go down the drain ours will still remain" 

How do you do it?

How do you cope with Diabetes? 

How do you cope with daily injections, testing,hypos,hypers?

How is your care? 

Do you think your care has a lot to do with how you cope?

I was thinking, and yes this is dangerous, how are everyone's coping measures different? I'm sure they are.

For me, I have to remember why I'm doing my injections and testing my blood and for me the short term reason is, I want to have kids. My care team was crap, well actually beyond crap. I was made to feel guilty at every appointment, was never told helpful information, was made to feel like I wasn't worth seeing and was just causing problems. I was diagnosed 2 years to the day after my twin and was expected to know everything, when in fact I knew nothing and its only thanks to DiabetesSupport that I know what I know now and my control is so much better.

I never cared what my levels were before. All my team told me was scare stories I ignored because they ignored me. I wish I hadn't ignored my diabetes but I also wish I was given the care I deserved and needed. 

I have my first appointment at my new clinic the Cedar Centre on the 4th May and I can't wait. I am hoping they will actually listen to what I have to say and what I want from my care and life. I hope they will help me get a pump and help me sort my levels out and general health out so I can start trying for a baby. I have to start writing a list of question I want answered, but I'm not sure where to start really. I've never had a team that listens so not used to having questions to ask! I'm hoping this will mark the start of my future.

How do you stories differ from mine?

I have just watched this video http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/dlife_media/tv/story_of_insulin/video_story_of_insulin.html and I'm in awe. It is amazing they way diabetes medications have progressed and it really makes me think how lucking we are to live the way we do. It is hard to live with diabetes and harder when you don't have the support from your team but with the help of other diabetic you can gain control.

Image found athttp://www.fi.edu/learn/heart/healthy/images/large_glucose-insulin-supplies.jpg

At long last =)

I have had an amazing weekend.

I went to two BBQ's and bloods were fantastic! Stayed under 10mmol/L the whole time - until today when I had chocolate cake!
I went to a party at the local pub to celebrate St Georges Day and it was a great laugh. I love going up there for the parties as they are always great! Great live music, good blood levels, BBQ's, and the best company. I don't think I could of had a better weekend. Ok... I could of if I'd met a multi-millionaire who wanted to pay for all my wedding for me but hey what are the chances of that happening!! Pretty slim I know.

I made the bouquet for my wedding which looks amazing! I'm so proud of myself to actually have made. I am still to find the dress I want. I had chosen it but I've gone off it now. Guess that's the price you pay for choosing it sooooo early (my bad!)
And to top off a fantastic weekend its CSI SUNDAY !! WOOOHOOOO!!!

I know this is a maaaahuuusive difference from my past posts recently, but it just goes to show how much blood sugars affect your mood and emotions. When they are "under control" you feel good, when they aren't you feel crap.

I really appreciate everyone who views my blog and apologies if I offended anyone. I don't mean to but apart from facebook I have no where to let my feelings out.

Turning a corner?

I have been totally fed up the past few days. Ok weeks. 
My insulin intake dropped nearly 60% and I was having alot of hypo's. Now it seems my insulin intake has risen above and beyond what it was before!
I am really struggling to cope as I thought I was doing so well. I carb count every meal, I watch my portion sizes, I don't snack unless hypo and yet the dreaded Diabetes Fairy still casts her wicked spells on me when ever she feels like it. She seems to like me today, so far bloods have been under 10. This might be due to the fact I got up early and went outside and did gardening for 4 hours but you never know. Things may have just settled down for me for now.... I can only hope!
Proper fed up! Its hard to have the motivation to carry on when what you are doing doesn't work. I feel so depressed by everything, not just the diabetes. Its just easier to blame the diabetes I think.

I'm still trying to loose weight but have lost my motivation there too. I started by eating less,eating healthier though I never really eaten unhealthy - just the odd treat now and then, doing varied exercise and yet I still seem to put on weight!
I have my 21st birthday coming up on May 5th & a big party to celebrate on the 8th but I can't find a dress I want in my size!!I am now a size 24, my biggest ever. I'm not afraid to admit it though I am ashamed. I think insulin has a big part to paly in the weight gain.  I was fitting into size 14 clothes last summer. Then I started to take my diabetes seriously and my weight slowly crept back up. I want to be back down to a size 14 for my wedding next year! You'd think I'd have alot of motivation there to loose the weight and  I suppose I do. But when you feel like nothing you are doing is right, nothing you are doing is making a difference it is very hard to carry on with it.
I respect anyone who can diet and exercise and follow through with it and stick at it. I'm just not one of those people I'm afraid. I will try harder and I WANT to stick with it but I have always been the type of person that, if something got hard or complicated or wasn't working I'd stop, maybe try a different way or stop altogether. Just depends what it is.

Life is a balancing act. I'm not going to drop it yet. Today I hope I'm turning a corner in my life!

On another note, I've been reading through some great blogs recently. A few I'd recommend are :
Diabotics ,Talking Blood Glucose, Instruction Not Included ,Poems for Active Diabetics and Type 2 - A personal Journey .

I'm going to drop Diabetes Support a link in too because without the people on there, I wouldn't be strong enough to continue looking after myself with regards to my diabetes. I will never have enough words to thank them enough.

(Image from Microsoft ClipArt)

Sorry

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, life has gotten in the way a bit.

One the 10th of April I met loads of great people from DiabetesSupport. It was a great day that started fairly early and ended fairly late, It involved good food great company and some drinking. I was a good girl and didn't drink but a few others, I wont mention names but they know who they are , weren't as good. We started off in Wetherspoons, went to The Kings Head about 3.30, then back to Wetherspoons for profiteroles (which weren't that great). I finally left Guildford at 7.30 - exhausted.
I was very confused by this day as I didn't take ANY novarapid for any of the food I ate, and I had alot. I had burger, chips and onion rings and later on some profiteroles, and my blood didnt rise above 10mmol/L all day.
Its been doing this alot recently. Over 4 days I have taken 56-58 units of novarapid, when normally I would have taken 130 units plus. I have even had to reduce my levemir by half as I was going hypo..... This equals a very confused me!!
Still taking 50-60% less insulin now and getting good numbers.

My diet has kinda gone out the window as I stayed with my best mate the other day who has my gorgeous god-daughter and we stayed up most of the night snacking on naughty stuff like Monster Munch, pizza and my ultimate weakness at the moment Mars Planets!! I can eat a whole big bag all to myself. (And not need take insulin at the moment =S)
I'm getting a bit sick of the way the TV and Media portrays what causes Diabetes so have created a facebook group, join here Mr Scriptwriter, That's not how diabetes works.  There is also a great new blog for "Diabotics" which you can take a look at HERE.

My next new appointment at the clinic has been set for May 4th... day before my birthday. I'm going to beg for a pump! I want to get this diabetes stuff under control asap! I want to start a family soon =)

ARGH!!!

ARGH!!!!

So fed up with this diabetes rubbish. I was hoping for a nice relaxing Easter break down in Bournemouth. Did I get it? Hell no!! Blood levels all over the place still. Ranged from 16.8mmol/L to 4.3 mmol/L in a matter of hours and everything in between. Yesterday was the worst when I got home. 15.4mmol/L before we left for home. almost 7 hours later 2.6 mmol/L !!!! Then back up to 13 mmol/L two hours later. Then last night at 3am 3.6mmol/L and NO HYPO SYMPTOMS which has really scared me! I always used to be able to tell when I was going low but not this time, even when I was 2.6 mmol/L earlier that day I felt it.

I'm am getting so depressed again about my weight and blood levels, I feel like I'm getting nothing right. I seem to just put on weight no matter what I do. I had NO Easter eggs and only eat healthy balanced meals that are smaller portions than I used to eat. I do different forms of exercise everyday, I don't snack in between meals. I just don't know what else I can do!

I want to start a family, I want to be able to live a normal life, I want to have a job and provide for my family & pay for my wedding. I don't want anything fancy or out of my league, just the basics. WHY DOES IT FEEL SO HARD!!!!

And to top it all off I am STILL waiting for my first appointment with the new diabetic clinic!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Friday

I failed!

On Good Friday I am not supposed to eat meat. I failed. I had a chicken & bacon sandwich from Boots. I know I am bad, you don't need to tell me. I am not looking forward to Easter, I never do. Too much chocolate and temptations around for the likes of me lol. I have enough to contend with trying to keep my levels in the good range without anything else adding to the mix.

I went and saw my god daughter yesterday who is 2 months old tomorrow! She is absolutely gorgeous,even if I am biased. It was really hard to say no though when her mum offered chocolate, I failed then too. But I was a slightly good girl in the fact I didn't eat a whole packet of Mars Planet's, I did give most to Alan. 

My bloods have been high again today which sucks. I really thought I was getting them back in control after yesterday =(. I think I'm going to have to go on a very low carb diet soon to see what happens. I seem to be taking bucket loads of insulin too. I'm not sure what is going on with my body at the moment but I don't like it what ever its doing.

I bought the most stunning bags for my bridesmaids toay. £3 each in peacocks and are perfect! The deep purple of my dress and everything =) Happy Loubie.

I went for dinner at my cousins house and had spag boll with a glass of wine and my blood sugars were perfect, didn't go above 8. Till I had a can of Fosters that is. Then it just kept rising till 12.7, Grrrr. From now on I won't be drinking any beer and if I want an alcoholic drink (which isn't very often anyway) I will be sticking to wine. I won't be buying any myself anyway, serious lack of money to buy my own but I wouldn''t turn down a drink from someone else, soft or alcoholic.

I'm off to Alan's parents tomorrow down in Bournemouth till Monday. I'm looking forward to it even if I am going to miss my Granddad who is coming down tomorrow. It's typical. We phone up Alan's parents and ask if its ok to go down to the tomorrow and at the same time my Granddad calls up my mum & asks if its ok for him to come down this weekend.

Happy Easter Everyone!!

Slightly Better Day

Today hasn't been as bad as yesterday.

Blood have been slightly better, still on the high side but below 10. I'm going to be experimenting with my insulin later. I seem to be taking a ton more than I would normally take. It might be that my eating habits have been different these past few days and I have eaten a few things I normally wouldn't.

I really want to start loosing weight, and get exercising. You would think that with the combination of my 21st birthday, my wedding next year, my diabetes and the fact I'm running(or walking) Race For Life (please sponsor me HERE) I would have enough motovation to get out there and do something but yet I am still superglued to my computer, on Facebook, DiabetesSupport and other random websites I seem to stumble on.
I am eating much less than I used to but I know this isn't enough. I am hoping to drop a dress size by May. Is it possible? Probably not but lets go with YES!! for now. I think once I have finished this blog I will be going on Wii Fit and see what my weight is and do some exercising. I know I will need your help to keep me motivated and am hoping you will give me it... *puppy dog eyes time*....
I am going to be watching my blood levels religiously throughout my exercise, even more than I normally would (I tested 7+ times a day anyway) and am hoping I can start to see a pattern of what exercise I am doing, what my levels are like and how quickly they rise and fall. Will also be seeing what happens afterwards. I have never been big on exercise, even more so since joining the invitation only diabetic club, so this will really push me. I AM going to start jogging as of next week, well Sunday. I AM going to work out using the Wii Fit. I AM going to take the dogs out for an extra long walk. I AM going to use my exercise bike till it falls apart on me, I PROMISE not to loosen any bolts so it gives up sooner. I AM going to cut my portion size down. and finally I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT AND DROP A DRESS SIZE!!!!

BRING IT ON!!

And on another note my blog has seen its 100th viewer =) 

And on yet another note I just wanted to let everyone know about a great blog I read Instructions Not Included. Its by a good friend of mine who has offered me loads of support since I joined DiabetesSupport and is also a very important person for DiDkA which is an amazing organistation whoes aims are :

• To educate management of any outlet serving drinks as to the dangers of incorrectly serving full-sugar soft drinks when a diet version has been ordered
• To encourage management to train their staff in the same fashion
• To put a stop to the highly dangerous practice of switching full-sugar and regular pipes on pump dispensers for 'entertainment' of the serving staff
• To get retailers to sign up to the DiDkA pledge, identifying their business as being aware of the issues surrounding diet drinks
• For a better selection of diet drinks to be on offer from retailers across the board

I work within DiDkA as a research and am very proud of what DiDkA has achieved so far and what it will achieve in the future.