Off to the doctors I go.

Ok. I've given in.  I have a doctors appointment tonight. Today is the worst  have ever felt. The sickness, the nausea, the dizzyness. AND my 4th hypo n 3 days. I've had enough.

My bloods are swinging from high to low and I don't feel well enough to keep sorting them out. I did a pregnancy test and it came back negative. I wonder what the doc will think it is. I'm going to ask for a blood test to see if I am pregnant as maybe my hormone levels are just not high enough to read on a home test yet.

I just hope they can sort me out or at least tell me what is wrong.
I'll let you know how it all goes later.

Grrrr

2 hypos in the space of 45 minutes!!!! I was at 2,7 mmol/L with the first one so downed half a lucozade & a tube of hypo gel *puke* then sat there for 30 mins. When I finally did get up I was fine.... for the first 5 minutes then I started to feel shaky, dizzy and sick again so I thought I'd better re-test...... 3.3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the ....... How does that work? Downed the other half of the lucozade and another tube of hypo stop. Finally went to bed at midnight at 7.8mol/L.
Again didn't take levemir before bed as I was about to when I got my first hypo. Woke up this morning on 8.4mmol/L.
I seriously don't understand my body or my diabetes anymore.
Any ideas anyone why this could be happening?

Confused

Just a quickie today.

I'm very confused with my blood levels. Last night before bed I was 9.7mmol/L then an hour later I was down to 5.4mmol/L so I downed some toast, decided to take my levemir this morning instead. Tested my blood at 3am to find it at 6.5mmol/L. When I woke up this morning I was 7.8mmol/L. Dont get me wrong. I'm soooo pleased with these results just a tad confused because I hadn't taken any insulin. When I did take my levemir I then had breakfast, two slices of toast. An hour and half after breakfast I tested my blood levels were at 8.1mmol/L - I'd taken no novarapid as I was worried about hypoing because of such good/low levels for me the previous night.

Why does the diabetes fairy do this to us? Just when we think we understand our body and our diabetes she throws another thing into the mix and confuses us again.


(fairy found at http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x44/slorraine_2007/fairy-cartoon-with-wand.gif)

Hey everyone!

How are you all?

I'm just back from from holiday. I went to Lincolnshire camping! It was fantastic fun! Got a tan even with factor 50 sun cream on! It got upto 37 degrees c while we were there.
One problem with the heat..... hypos!
I suffered from about 3 hypos a day. I'd swing from about 11mmol/L to 2.7mmol/L in about 2 hours even if I was just sitting there reading a book. Hypo's aren't good at the best of times but while camping they are even worse!
I'm still trying to get pregnant but the diabetes worries me so much. I have been given the go ahead from the docs but its still a worry.
I'm really sick of having diabetes. I wish for one day I was "normal" , I was Louise not Louise the diabetic.

Most of you know I was born with one hand . My ESA have been stopped because apparently I'm not disabled enough. They work it out by a point system. I got 9 points because I "struggle doing & undoing small buttons".... thats it. I have to have had a minimum of 15 points to qualify. They don't think I struggle " completing tasks on time because of mental,learning or physical disabilities". Seriously why don't these people think!! Use their brains!!! Why is it so hard! Not only that they stopped  it from the 17th June but wrote the letter on the 1st July from evidence from 16th January. I was due my next payment on the 1st July. I now can't pay my bills due to their incompetence!! I can appeal but it could take months! I'm fuming!!!!!!!

A child's view.

"Do you know why kids get type 1 diabetes, Mum? So that they can learn to protect themselves, and appreciate the value of their life. Other people aren't grateful to live like people with type 1 diabetes." 


This was posted on Facebook on Dear Diabetes. I thought it was so inspirational and beautiful. It really makes you think how no matter how hard life gets children always know how to make it better. To think and believe that line is fantastic. Diabetes, Type 1 or Type 2, is bad and difficult to deal with at the best of times, but for a child it is even harder. I was 15 when I was diagnosed and I struggled to come to terms with the diagnosis. I wish I had the mindset of this kid to think that way.
Life is something to treasure and to enjoy. We have diabetes, so what! We are amazing people who should appreciate that we have a life, we can enjoy the finer things in life. We have freedom - ok so we have to stop every now and then to test our blood or take insulin or boost our sugar levels. We have to go for check ups regularly but that is only so we can keep living a good life. Yes there will be problems in the future but there is also hope.
There are always new advances in technology and medication and at least diabetes can be treated. There are worse things out there that happen to people and there are better things to. Diabetes is going to get us all down at some point but I hope when it does we can all see it isn't the end of the world and it will get better.


Thank you to Dear Diabetes for letting me quote the status. 

I'm back on track.

I'm back on track now.
 I've got my diabetes back under control. I'm taking my insulin again like I should be, testing my blood again like I should be.I had my first hypo in ages the other day. OH MY GOD I'd forgotten how awful they make you feel for ages after. My levels are still sitting a bit too high for my liking but I'm getting them lower slowly.

I hate diabetes. I hate the fact it has a massive impact on your life, no matter if you think it doesn't , it does! I hate the fact I'm constantly worrying about my levels, the damage I'm doing to my body, the future and complications if I get pregnant , or seriously ill.  I hate injecting myself everyday, a minimum of 4 times a day. I hate testing my blood. I hate the disruption diabetes causes, be it just because I'm stopping to inject or test my blood or because I'm having a hypo I need to treat. I hope one day there is a cure for diabetes. I know there are worse illnesses/diseases etc but for me, right now, this is bad! I'm not asking for sympathy or anything of that sort, just for some understanding and support. I hope I can give other people support too.

DIABETES SUCKS!

I don't know what caused me to slip and stop doing what I should but I'm ashamed at my self for it.

I'm still trying to loose weight, eat better, exercise more.
Thanks to my work for Avon I'm getting out more and its really boosting my confidence.
I'm still planning away for my wedding. Struggling with the saving though.

Sister has a blog

Sisters Blog

I thought I'd post a link to my sisters blog before I get into trouble for not doing it quick enough.

Bloods are still running high =( And I still have a nasty chesty cough.
Its starting to get me down again. I now its partly my fault for not taking care of myself but its also the fact I've not been well recently.
I really want a new blood kit. I like mine but I just don't have the "ohh I must test my blood" going on at the moment so was thinking maybe a new blood kit might help me get back on track.
I need to get motivated for alot of things at the moment. Weightloss, diabetes control, writing this, my Avon work.
It's not that I don't want to, its just I don't seem to have the energy etc to do it.

I'm getting a aerobic step with DVD that I got off FreeCycle, and am picking that up on Thursday. I'm hoping that because its something I can do in my own home while watching tv or something I can keep it up. As I build up my fitness and loose the weight I'll start back on my exercise bike.

I'm going out for dinner later with my OH, his assistant manager and his OH. I get on really well with them and am really looking forward to it. We are going to a chinese restaurant.
My OH's boss is really starting to bug me, he keeps going early when he's said my OH can or one of the other workers can. Like today. My mum needs to use our car to get stuff for dinner and get money out etc and my OH was supposed to come home early so he can get ready for going out and mum can use the car and now his boss is leaving early... after being off for a holiday last week (or the week before - can't remember exactly). Does my head in!!!!!

Bad Blogger!

I've been a very bad blogger and I apologise.
I've been a little bit busy with wedding plans and seeing friends and having arguments and getting my Avon career off the ground.

My Avon work is going really well. I have to hand out more brochures later and am going to plug the sun care products what with the weather being soooo hot.

I went to the beach yesterday with my fiance, sister and cousins. It was a great laugh. The journey took 3 hours, just over 2 hours of that was sitting in traffic! Not good. I was wearing factor 50 sun cream and still managed to burn!
My diabetes has been a bit hit and miss. I was expecting it to be really high these past few days, as I'm had a stinking cold, well still do. But actually they have been better since I've had the cold than before it.
I keep forgetting to take my insulin *slaps wrist*. Its not something I am doing on purpose and am actually very annoyed with myself for forgetting. I am trying to get this sorted again and get myself back on track.


I have a question for you all now though.....

How does the heat affect your blood levels???

Uh oh

I'm starting to slip back into my old ways.
I'm forgetting to test my blood and take my insulin.
Completely forgetting to carb count when I do take my insulin.
I don't know what is wrong with me but I don't like it. I'm trying to make a real concious effort to remember to do everything right as I really don't want my HbA1c to rise again.
I'm still working on my weight loss.... which isn't really going anywhere at the moment. I'm not really putting in the effort for it to change if I'm honest. I seem to have hit a sort of brick wall, with regards to my motivation with both.
When I have checked my blood, they have been slightly higher, some very high even when I have taken my insulin. I think this might be contributing to the lack of motivation, which I know is totally the wrong way to go about it, but it is hard to try and keep going  when you feel like your getting it wrong again.

My Avon work is starting to take off so hopefully the walking will help with my weight loss *crosses fingers*.

I hope everyone else is having a better time and the diabetic fairy is behaving herself with you x

Where would you like to be right now?

There was a thread on Diabetes Support earlier that got me thinking hard.




Where would you like to be right now?


If money was no object, and you could be doing anything,anywhere what would it be? (leave comments telling me if you like)




For me, I'd be on Mevagh Mountain in Donegal, Ireland, in my own house, with a sea view. With lots of children, my wonderful fiance who I can't wait to get married to, with D his son, and a cat & dog. My family owning houses around me so we were all close enough, but not too close. I'd be a full time Avon Lady, earning just slightly more than enough to live comfortably so we didn't have to worry, and I'd still be able to paint. Oh and I wouldn't have diabetes!

I'm going to make this my reality one day!




Now its your turn...


(The photo is of Carrigart in Donegal near where my aunty lives)

I have a job!

I started my new job on Monday. I am now an Avon Representative!
I love it already. I love the fact I am my own boss yet there is help and support when I need it.
I love the Avon products that range from the well known make up & beauty to men's, kids,sports and jewellery.
I hoping to start doing parties soon and I start doing my roads next Monday.
None of the products are tested on animals which I support 100%. You are reminded that you are your own boss & you can go at your own pace. I'm hoping this will be pretty much my full time job. I am really going to push myself hard with this.

Because of the new job and great diabetes results from my clinic appointment last week, I have decided this is definately the start of the new me. The better me, The healthier me, The positive me, The me who isn't going to let anything stop me!!

My diabetes has been a bit weird today - my fault really. They were fairly good when I woke up this morning but went wrong when I had a tiger roll ( I swear these are gods gifts) for breakfast. I took what I thought was the right amount of insulin, but as there was no carbohydrate value written on the pack it was kind of hard to guess. They weren't tooooo bad 2 hours after (10.4mmol/L) so when it came to lunch I took an extra unit of insulin and by 2 hours after this I was feeling hypo. Tested and I was at 4.1 mmol/L. Although this wasn't at hypo level dinner was quite a while away so had something then. Two hours later 11.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So annoyed at myself! Dinner was not long after so took an extra unit of insulin to counteract the 11.4, and now I am playing the waiting game. Dinner was fish cakes, crushed potatoes and sweetcorn, a total of 16 units of insulin after carb counting (probably got it wrong as I was distracted).

I will edit this later to include the two hour reading.

I'm going to stay positive and keep looking to the future. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes and its all about finding what works for you, and what food works for you. I hope everyone can try to be positive with what ever is going on in their lives and know that things will get better, you just gotta keep your chin up.

Well what can I say...

The party was a great success!! I got a little drunk, which for those who know me  will know that is unheard of as I don't normally drink at all. It was great having my family and friends meeting Alan's family. There were people I haven't seen in nearly 2 years that came on Saturday!


The music was great, the people were fantastic and I haven't had a better birthday! We even got told by the steward of the bar that our guests "were the most polite, pleasant people they have ever had at a 21st". They are really wary about doing 21st parties where we held ours because of the reputation that everyone will be very drunk and very rowdy. So I am very happy with that comment =)


I decided to pretty much ignore my diabetes that night and only test it a few times. It was high when I tested but I wasn't too worried because of the alcohol. I didn't want to over correct and then go really low. But the worst part of ot was waking up on Sunday with levels of 11.6mmol/L!!!!! I decided to take 3 units then wait till after breakfast to take some more. Had breakfast and took 5 units with that to bolus for it, then played the waiting game.


We went to a family christening on Sunday and while in there I started to feel really odd so sneaked out to test my bloods which had risen to 14.9mmol/L !! Panic!!! I took a further 4 units of Novarapid and went and joined the rest of the congregation. It was another 2 hours before I got the chance to test again. And thankfully they were at 7.3mmol/L.

I personally feel that if I had stayed glued to my insulin or meter all night at the party I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. I had a great night and didn't let diabetes control my life for one night. I'm now back in my usual routine of test, inject eat,  exercise, test, eat, inject, etc etc etc

Everyone needs to let their hair down once in a while and enjoy life!

Pictures are on facebook if you are a friend of mine on there x

Quick post.

Just a quicky post tonight. Its my 21st birthday party tomorrow so I got a lot to do tonight/tomorrow so I thought I'd post a picture of my dress like I promised. I will post a longer post on Sunday or Monday depending on how I feel =)

Type 1 or Type 2

I have finally been told what type I am. I am Type 2!

After many years of not knowing it is good to finally have an identity, so to speak. I felt a bit of a fraud before, what with knowing I have diabetes but not which type. I was in a sort of limbo. I am not sure if it is good news or bad news. I'm going to go with its good because now I have experience living with type 1 and type 2.

When I was first diagnosed the doctors never told me what type I had. After a few months they said I was type 2, I was put on metformin and told to control it with diet and exercise but was never actually told what this meant, (I was 15 at diagnosis). Then after another few months and a different doctor, I was told I was possibly type 1, then another few months and another doctor after my other clinic closed, "Oh no your not type 1, your type 2 MODY".... Ermm ok, That means what?? Well according to my doctor it meant, Mature Onset Diabetes in the Young. Then after another move in clinics and another doctor and another diagnosis. I bet your all thinking "Why didn't someone test for the antibodies in your blood". Well..... I did have a test once, but when it got to the lab it got mucked up. So that's why it was never in black & white. But finally it is!!! I am definitely a TYPE 2!!

I know the difference diet and exercise make and also the difference insulin & other medication make. All types of diabetes are hard to live with and involve alot daily and I want to offer my support to anyone who wants it.

My hba1c is at 6.6% so I must be doing something right now!

I am going to go back on metformin and still take insulin.


I am pleased to say I have lived as a type 1 & type 2 so I hope I can help people living with type 1 and type 2 in the future. It doesn't matter if you are type 1, type 2, and any other types in between you should never feel like a fake/fraud diabetic. You are a very welcome, valued member of the diabetic family, no questions asked and no exceptions!

Best Day Ever!!

I had my first appointment with my new clinic today and it couldn't have gone better!
My hba1c is down from 11.8% to 6.6% in 6 months!!!
I officially have Type 2 Diabetes now.
I have been told to try and loose some weight which I want to do anyway. I am going to be referred to a dietician to help with the weight loss and to help with low carb meals and blood levels. I am going to be sent for a eye screening too as its been years since my last one. The clinic were really positive and helpful and very supportive. Me and my fiance have been given the go-ahead to start trying for a baby now. I am sooo happy! I want to say a mahuuusive thank you everyone on DiabetesSupport for everything they have done for me. I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past two years, but that's a whole different post.


And to top it all off I went out with my fiance and best friend and her daughter to find my dress for my 21st birthday party on  Saturday. Its stunning and will put up a picture of it at some point.

This is a message to all the diabetics out there.
KEEP GOING, KEEP TRYING, YOU WILL HAVE DAYS WHERE ITS HARD AND YOU WANT TO GIVE UP, BUT DONT. YOUR AMAZING PEOPLE WITH SO MUCH TO GIVE TO THE WORLD AND I AM SO PROUD TO BE PART OF THE DIABETIC CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friendship.Friendship, Just the perfect blendship

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

I love this quote. For me it summarises all my ideas and feelings about friendships. Every friendship takes a lot of work. Compromises, arguments, laughter, anger, joy, disappointment, these are all things that I have felt with the many friendships I have gained over the years. There aren't better feelings than when you are with an old friend who totally understand everything about you or when you gain a new friend. Yet there is nothing worse than when a friendship ends or you have an argument. 

When you are at the lowest of lows, and your best friend calls or texts or pops round, they always seem to know how to bring you back. They almost have a sixth sense, that something is wrong or you need cheering up or distracting. 

At school I wasn't one of the "cool kids" at school but nor was I a geek, I was one who would just sit quietly and try not to get involved if I didn't have to. I had a great friend at school called Emily. We had our falling outs, argument and periods of time where we didn't talk but it was all part of growing up. Most weekends we would be at each other houses, causing mayhem, baking cakes (with completely the wrong flour on many occasions). She moved to a different school in year 9 (I think) and I was gutted, but we stayed friends, still met up most weekends and I even went to her school prom. We really were as thick as thieves. We then went onto college and grew up, got boyfriends and slowly drifted apart. It isn't a bad thing & yeah I will always miss the mayhem we caused, the giggles we had and the random things we got up too but that is life for you. We have recently got back in contact and I'm pleased about it. We didn't have an argument, so there are no mean feelings etc, it just is what it is.

I am going to be god mother to my best friend Laura's little girl on Sunday and its the biggest, proudest thing I have ever done. Knowing she trusts me and cares for me and wants to me to be part of her and her daughters life fills me with such happiness. I was there at her daughter's birth. Again, so touched that she chose ME to be part of this amazing moment in her life fills me with such pride. After doing childcare together at college me and Laura knew we would be friends for life. Two years spent studying the same thing 5 days a week, 6 hours a day most days has to mean something. Skipping lessons together and yes, using my diabetes as an excuse as much as I am ashamed to admit it (its the only good part of diabetes as a teenager). Going to the music block during break or walking into town to go shopping at lunch. I hope my friendship with Laura never ends and she will always be part of my life and me hers and her daughters. Laura is like a sister to me, she is more than a friend. 

 A friend is someone you can trust whole heartily, someone you can spend time with, someone who you can tell anything to, someone you can talk to day or night. Someone who makes you laugh till you sides hurt! Someone you want to make memories with and take photos with. A good friend is someone who you don't want to live without.

"When other friendships go down the drain ours will still remain" 

How do you do it?

How do you cope with Diabetes? 

How do you cope with daily injections, testing,hypos,hypers?

How is your care? 

Do you think your care has a lot to do with how you cope?

I was thinking, and yes this is dangerous, how are everyone's coping measures different? I'm sure they are.

For me, I have to remember why I'm doing my injections and testing my blood and for me the short term reason is, I want to have kids. My care team was crap, well actually beyond crap. I was made to feel guilty at every appointment, was never told helpful information, was made to feel like I wasn't worth seeing and was just causing problems. I was diagnosed 2 years to the day after my twin and was expected to know everything, when in fact I knew nothing and its only thanks to DiabetesSupport that I know what I know now and my control is so much better.

I never cared what my levels were before. All my team told me was scare stories I ignored because they ignored me. I wish I hadn't ignored my diabetes but I also wish I was given the care I deserved and needed. 

I have my first appointment at my new clinic the Cedar Centre on the 4th May and I can't wait. I am hoping they will actually listen to what I have to say and what I want from my care and life. I hope they will help me get a pump and help me sort my levels out and general health out so I can start trying for a baby. I have to start writing a list of question I want answered, but I'm not sure where to start really. I've never had a team that listens so not used to having questions to ask! I'm hoping this will mark the start of my future.

How do you stories differ from mine?

I have just watched this video http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/dlife_media/tv/story_of_insulin/video_story_of_insulin.html and I'm in awe. It is amazing they way diabetes medications have progressed and it really makes me think how lucking we are to live the way we do. It is hard to live with diabetes and harder when you don't have the support from your team but with the help of other diabetic you can gain control.

Image found athttp://www.fi.edu/learn/heart/healthy/images/large_glucose-insulin-supplies.jpg

At long last =)

I have had an amazing weekend.

I went to two BBQ's and bloods were fantastic! Stayed under 10mmol/L the whole time - until today when I had chocolate cake!
I went to a party at the local pub to celebrate St Georges Day and it was a great laugh. I love going up there for the parties as they are always great! Great live music, good blood levels, BBQ's, and the best company. I don't think I could of had a better weekend. Ok... I could of if I'd met a multi-millionaire who wanted to pay for all my wedding for me but hey what are the chances of that happening!! Pretty slim I know.

I made the bouquet for my wedding which looks amazing! I'm so proud of myself to actually have made. I am still to find the dress I want. I had chosen it but I've gone off it now. Guess that's the price you pay for choosing it sooooo early (my bad!)
And to top off a fantastic weekend its CSI SUNDAY !! WOOOHOOOO!!!

I know this is a maaaahuuusive difference from my past posts recently, but it just goes to show how much blood sugars affect your mood and emotions. When they are "under control" you feel good, when they aren't you feel crap.

I really appreciate everyone who views my blog and apologies if I offended anyone. I don't mean to but apart from facebook I have no where to let my feelings out.

Turning a corner?

I have been totally fed up the past few days. Ok weeks. 
My insulin intake dropped nearly 60% and I was having alot of hypo's. Now it seems my insulin intake has risen above and beyond what it was before!
I am really struggling to cope as I thought I was doing so well. I carb count every meal, I watch my portion sizes, I don't snack unless hypo and yet the dreaded Diabetes Fairy still casts her wicked spells on me when ever she feels like it. She seems to like me today, so far bloods have been under 10. This might be due to the fact I got up early and went outside and did gardening for 4 hours but you never know. Things may have just settled down for me for now.... I can only hope!
Proper fed up! Its hard to have the motivation to carry on when what you are doing doesn't work. I feel so depressed by everything, not just the diabetes. Its just easier to blame the diabetes I think.

I'm still trying to loose weight but have lost my motivation there too. I started by eating less,eating healthier though I never really eaten unhealthy - just the odd treat now and then, doing varied exercise and yet I still seem to put on weight!
I have my 21st birthday coming up on May 5th & a big party to celebrate on the 8th but I can't find a dress I want in my size!!I am now a size 24, my biggest ever. I'm not afraid to admit it though I am ashamed. I think insulin has a big part to paly in the weight gain.  I was fitting into size 14 clothes last summer. Then I started to take my diabetes seriously and my weight slowly crept back up. I want to be back down to a size 14 for my wedding next year! You'd think I'd have alot of motivation there to loose the weight and  I suppose I do. But when you feel like nothing you are doing is right, nothing you are doing is making a difference it is very hard to carry on with it.
I respect anyone who can diet and exercise and follow through with it and stick at it. I'm just not one of those people I'm afraid. I will try harder and I WANT to stick with it but I have always been the type of person that, if something got hard or complicated or wasn't working I'd stop, maybe try a different way or stop altogether. Just depends what it is.

Life is a balancing act. I'm not going to drop it yet. Today I hope I'm turning a corner in my life!

On another note, I've been reading through some great blogs recently. A few I'd recommend are :
Diabotics ,Talking Blood Glucose, Instruction Not Included ,Poems for Active Diabetics and Type 2 - A personal Journey .

I'm going to drop Diabetes Support a link in too because without the people on there, I wouldn't be strong enough to continue looking after myself with regards to my diabetes. I will never have enough words to thank them enough.

(Image from Microsoft ClipArt)

Sorry

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, life has gotten in the way a bit.

One the 10th of April I met loads of great people from DiabetesSupport. It was a great day that started fairly early and ended fairly late, It involved good food great company and some drinking. I was a good girl and didn't drink but a few others, I wont mention names but they know who they are , weren't as good. We started off in Wetherspoons, went to The Kings Head about 3.30, then back to Wetherspoons for profiteroles (which weren't that great). I finally left Guildford at 7.30 - exhausted.
I was very confused by this day as I didn't take ANY novarapid for any of the food I ate, and I had alot. I had burger, chips and onion rings and later on some profiteroles, and my blood didnt rise above 10mmol/L all day.
Its been doing this alot recently. Over 4 days I have taken 56-58 units of novarapid, when normally I would have taken 130 units plus. I have even had to reduce my levemir by half as I was going hypo..... This equals a very confused me!!
Still taking 50-60% less insulin now and getting good numbers.

My diet has kinda gone out the window as I stayed with my best mate the other day who has my gorgeous god-daughter and we stayed up most of the night snacking on naughty stuff like Monster Munch, pizza and my ultimate weakness at the moment Mars Planets!! I can eat a whole big bag all to myself. (And not need take insulin at the moment =S)
I'm getting a bit sick of the way the TV and Media portrays what causes Diabetes so have created a facebook group, join here Mr Scriptwriter, That's not how diabetes works.  There is also a great new blog for "Diabotics" which you can take a look at HERE.

My next new appointment at the clinic has been set for May 4th... day before my birthday. I'm going to beg for a pump! I want to get this diabetes stuff under control asap! I want to start a family soon =)

ARGH!!!

ARGH!!!!

So fed up with this diabetes rubbish. I was hoping for a nice relaxing Easter break down in Bournemouth. Did I get it? Hell no!! Blood levels all over the place still. Ranged from 16.8mmol/L to 4.3 mmol/L in a matter of hours and everything in between. Yesterday was the worst when I got home. 15.4mmol/L before we left for home. almost 7 hours later 2.6 mmol/L !!!! Then back up to 13 mmol/L two hours later. Then last night at 3am 3.6mmol/L and NO HYPO SYMPTOMS which has really scared me! I always used to be able to tell when I was going low but not this time, even when I was 2.6 mmol/L earlier that day I felt it.

I'm am getting so depressed again about my weight and blood levels, I feel like I'm getting nothing right. I seem to just put on weight no matter what I do. I had NO Easter eggs and only eat healthy balanced meals that are smaller portions than I used to eat. I do different forms of exercise everyday, I don't snack in between meals. I just don't know what else I can do!

I want to start a family, I want to be able to live a normal life, I want to have a job and provide for my family & pay for my wedding. I don't want anything fancy or out of my league, just the basics. WHY DOES IT FEEL SO HARD!!!!

And to top it all off I am STILL waiting for my first appointment with the new diabetic clinic!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Friday

I failed!

On Good Friday I am not supposed to eat meat. I failed. I had a chicken & bacon sandwich from Boots. I know I am bad, you don't need to tell me. I am not looking forward to Easter, I never do. Too much chocolate and temptations around for the likes of me lol. I have enough to contend with trying to keep my levels in the good range without anything else adding to the mix.

I went and saw my god daughter yesterday who is 2 months old tomorrow! She is absolutely gorgeous,even if I am biased. It was really hard to say no though when her mum offered chocolate, I failed then too. But I was a slightly good girl in the fact I didn't eat a whole packet of Mars Planet's, I did give most to Alan. 

My bloods have been high again today which sucks. I really thought I was getting them back in control after yesterday =(. I think I'm going to have to go on a very low carb diet soon to see what happens. I seem to be taking bucket loads of insulin too. I'm not sure what is going on with my body at the moment but I don't like it what ever its doing.

I bought the most stunning bags for my bridesmaids toay. £3 each in peacocks and are perfect! The deep purple of my dress and everything =) Happy Loubie.

I went for dinner at my cousins house and had spag boll with a glass of wine and my blood sugars were perfect, didn't go above 8. Till I had a can of Fosters that is. Then it just kept rising till 12.7, Grrrr. From now on I won't be drinking any beer and if I want an alcoholic drink (which isn't very often anyway) I will be sticking to wine. I won't be buying any myself anyway, serious lack of money to buy my own but I wouldn''t turn down a drink from someone else, soft or alcoholic.

I'm off to Alan's parents tomorrow down in Bournemouth till Monday. I'm looking forward to it even if I am going to miss my Granddad who is coming down tomorrow. It's typical. We phone up Alan's parents and ask if its ok to go down to the tomorrow and at the same time my Granddad calls up my mum & asks if its ok for him to come down this weekend.

Happy Easter Everyone!!

Slightly Better Day

Today hasn't been as bad as yesterday.

Blood have been slightly better, still on the high side but below 10. I'm going to be experimenting with my insulin later. I seem to be taking a ton more than I would normally take. It might be that my eating habits have been different these past few days and I have eaten a few things I normally wouldn't.

I really want to start loosing weight, and get exercising. You would think that with the combination of my 21st birthday, my wedding next year, my diabetes and the fact I'm running(or walking) Race For Life (please sponsor me HERE) I would have enough motovation to get out there and do something but yet I am still superglued to my computer, on Facebook, DiabetesSupport and other random websites I seem to stumble on.
I am eating much less than I used to but I know this isn't enough. I am hoping to drop a dress size by May. Is it possible? Probably not but lets go with YES!! for now. I think once I have finished this blog I will be going on Wii Fit and see what my weight is and do some exercising. I know I will need your help to keep me motivated and am hoping you will give me it... *puppy dog eyes time*....
I am going to be watching my blood levels religiously throughout my exercise, even more than I normally would (I tested 7+ times a day anyway) and am hoping I can start to see a pattern of what exercise I am doing, what my levels are like and how quickly they rise and fall. Will also be seeing what happens afterwards. I have never been big on exercise, even more so since joining the invitation only diabetic club, so this will really push me. I AM going to start jogging as of next week, well Sunday. I AM going to work out using the Wii Fit. I AM going to take the dogs out for an extra long walk. I AM going to use my exercise bike till it falls apart on me, I PROMISE not to loosen any bolts so it gives up sooner. I AM going to cut my portion size down. and finally I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT AND DROP A DRESS SIZE!!!!

BRING IT ON!!

And on another note my blog has seen its 100th viewer =) 

And on yet another note I just wanted to let everyone know about a great blog I read Instructions Not Included. Its by a good friend of mine who has offered me loads of support since I joined DiabetesSupport and is also a very important person for DiDkA which is an amazing organistation whoes aims are :

• To educate management of any outlet serving drinks as to the dangers of incorrectly serving full-sugar soft drinks when a diet version has been ordered
• To encourage management to train their staff in the same fashion
• To put a stop to the highly dangerous practice of switching full-sugar and regular pipes on pump dispensers for 'entertainment' of the serving staff
• To get retailers to sign up to the DiDkA pledge, identifying their business as being aware of the issues surrounding diet drinks
• For a better selection of diet drinks to be on offer from retailers across the board

I work within DiDkA as a research and am very proud of what DiDkA has achieved so far and what it will achieve in the future.

Downer days!

Don't you just hate the days when the world seems to be totally against you?


Today I feel I can't get anything right. My bloods have been up in the teens for some reason. I've had stomach pains all day. The bank are charging me over £100 for charges of over £175 from last month. I am constantly overdrawn. Life is well and truly getting on top of me and I don't know what to do!!

I want to get a job, earn my own money, save for me wedding, move out of my mum's house, start a family etc etc but it feels like none of this will ever happen. I have been look for a job since I left school at 16 (almost 5 years ago now). I have only ever had 3 summer jobs. I feel like my diabetes and the one hand thing get in my way which make me soooo depressed. I want someone to give me a chance!! I want to prove to people I am capable of doing things even though it looks like I won't be able to. I am so determined but get no where I am starting to wonder why bother.
I just want the basic life, nothing fancy, just the basics... Is that too much to ask?????

New Start

Tomorrow will be a fresh start for me.

Im going jogging in the evenings with Alan, eating less, and doing other exercise too. My levels have been on the high side the past few days as my routine has gone completely out the window with my Gran's funeral being yesterday.
The service was beautiful and so were the flowers and my family. I love them all to pieces. We are always there for each other no matter what and I know this made my Gran proud as it will still do. I also know she was proud of me for sorting out my diabetes so my fresh start is as much for her as it is for me.

I'm still waiting for my new appointment from the Cedar Centre in Guildford after the cock up the made the other week. I just want to get in there be seen, have my HbA1c done and all my other tests so I know where I am starting from. I have never been one for not knowing.
Sorry for such a short blog but I haven't got much to blog about at the moment what with Gran's funeral etc.

Long Night Last Night

Where to start?
My levels were up at 19mmol/L last night! I had chicken goujons and chips. It was a small portion. I carb counted as normal. This was at 8pm, 2 hours after I had eaten. I was still up at 3am when it was at 16mmol/L =( I am exhausted!

Totally felt like giving up!

It fluctuated from 19mmol/L to 14mmol/L and back up again till 4am when it finally came down to 11mmol/L so I went to sleep. Woke up to 6.9mmol/L at 2pm!!! I feel absolutely awful today. No energy, depressed, angry. None of these make for a Loubie who is good to be around.
I really don't need the stress of crazy blood sugar levels on top of everything else.
What with my nan's funeral, tyre, supposedly owing money to people I know I dont but still worrying about it, being overdrawn at the bank thanks to charges I'm getting charges on. My head is going to explode any day soon.

I'm fed up of thinking I'm doing things right & getting on top of things and then things like this happens and completely knocks me flat on my back! I really thought I was doing well until this, I know it might just be a slip up but because my appointment at the new clinic was a complete balls up I have noone to talk to about it and its really starting to get me down!

My levels have been pretty stable all day today so I have no idea what caused them to go so high last night. been around the 9mmol/L mark which is still higher than I want it to be but at least its not above 10.

Busy couple of days

I've hadn't had much of a chance to blog the past few days. Life has sort of got in the way.

I was due to have my first appointment at my new diabetic clinic on Tuesday .*FAIL*. I got up at 7:30, which is a very early start for me these days, as my appointment was at 9am. We had to go up the A3 doing 50 mph thanks to the emergency tyre we had to put on as the other tyre was completely bald. Get to the hospital feeling really quite positive as I had my list of questions at the ready and no, according to them my appointment was last Tuesday!! My letter clearly stated 23rd March. I remember this for 3 reasons, 1) Its 2 days after my mum's birthday. 2) Its my friend's birthday that day and 3) Its two days before my nan's birthday. Unless my head is totally screwed up I COULD NOT get this wrong. I argue my point while the receptionist starts getting shirty. Apparently they have already sent me out my new appointment, which I am yet to receive. When it finally arrives I will be calling up to check as the parking/petrol and time off work for the OH all adds up!!
My bloods have been all over the place, mainly on the higher side. I think it could be due to stress with everything thats happened recently.My Gran's funeral is on Monday so I'm hoping once that is over and "normality" resumes they will settle down.
In the mean time I have a dilema... Do I want a pump or not?? What are the pro's & con's??

I will be so glad when the next couple of weeks are over!!!

Looking ahead

After the distress of yesterday today I am looking to the future. Tonight there is a big party to celebrate St Paddy's Day. I going and so is lil sis and the rest of my family down here. We are going to celebrate in style St Paddys & my grans life! She was an amazing woman and always knew how to through a party so tonight is for her!!!
Going back round my cousins today so we are all together. My family is amazing and mean the absolute world to me.
I will be drinking tonight but will be keeping an eye on my sugar levels. I hope everyone has a god day.

I love my family, we are always there for each other no matter what and always will be.

*Heres to the future, gran you will always be in our thoughts*

Worst day so far.

Today has been crap!
After just half an hours sleep I get a call I was not expecting saying my Gran had died =( 
She'd been in hospital for a few days so I suppose it shouldn't have been as such a shock as it was. I guess you just always think of your grandparents as indestructible. I have found out she died of pneumonia. She had this about a month a go and they thought they had cleared it all up. The worst thing she wasn't even in hospital for that she was in for a blood infection. Its my grandad I feel sorry for. This year would have been their 60th wedding anniversary. And I know this is going to sound so selfish but I never thought my Gran wouldn't be at my wedding. As mentioned on my post yesterday my Mum & Sister had gone to Southend to see her. They were lucky they went when they did. This leaves me and my little sister in a sort of limbo, kind of unable to process it as we aren't amongst all the stress and worry and emotions in Southend and not really being able to let it sink in.
As soon as we heard our first thoughts were to our granddad and then to the other family we have down here in Surrey. My cousin's who only live 5 minutes down the road, whoes dad is my mums brother. To our family over in Ireland who have to organize flights and childcare. And to how everyone is going to cope with our lose. My gran Joan was like a "mafia figure". Her or my granddad walked into a room and you immediately cleared a space for them to sit down, granted they are in their 80's. 
My first move apart from tell my sister and get dressed was to call my other cousins too see what the plan was. We ended up going to Tesco and spending £20.58 on Bacon, Bread, Sausages, Milk, Eggs, Pringles, Galaxy Chocolate and a variety pack of cereal ( only the essentials) and then onto my cousins house where me & my cousin Clare cooked everyone a friend breakfast and sat on the sofa all day watching movies, mucking about and generally having as good a time as we could given the circumstances.
I have had a total of 1 hours sleep in 33hours at this point and how I am still functioning I am not quite sure. Even in the state I am now I am still concentrating on my sugar levels. Probably not a priority but its keeping me from loosing it.
 I can't wait to go to bed & wake up tomorrow starting a different day. With the help & support of my friends and family I know I can get through this as can the rest of my family but its going to be tough.

Here goes nothing...

Today is my first day blogging so here goes nothing.

Feeling "bleugh" after having a hypo last night. Hypo's I can deal with but not ones that drop 2.0 mmol/L's in 15 minutes, with a hubby to be who take 20 minutes to wake up enough to help!! 

Last night I jammed him in the ribs which worked surprisingly well and was munching on a bit of bread and sipping on a lucazade within 5mins(ish). Feeling totally exhausted I fell asleep soon after and never tested to see how high I had then become. But I did wake up this morning to a level of 6.4 mmol/L so not too bad.

Today my mum & twin sister have gone to Southend On Sea to see my grandparents as my Nan was rushed into hospital the other day with a gallbladder infection, she'd only been out of hospital about 2/3 weeks from having a bad chest infection.

This leaves me to do all the cooking, which I don't mind as I can weigh everything out properly. I'm not saying my mum doesn't but I have gone down for dinner and the plates on the table waiting, which lets face it, makes it harder to weigh therefore harder to carb count.

Going to leave it here as I have to go sort out something for lunch for me & the "little" sister. Thanks for reading my first blog =).

Grrrrr just updating this blog. My sisters levels are now at 30mmol/L thanks to the dumbwits in McDonalds giving her a full sugar drink!!!!!!!! Good Going Numbskulls!!